Confederate Monuments and Erasing History

Confederate Monuments and Erasing History

For those who read this who might not know me, I have a huge interest in history and particularly military history.  As such I have a huge interesting in not erasing history.

What is the actual history?

While most historians would state that there were a variety of issues between the states and the Federal government at that time, slavery was likely the only one that required actual warfare to resolve.

Why?

The Southern economy was largely agrarian based around a plantation culture which depended on slave labor to function.  Keep that in mind.  One of the key features that could not be removed or altered without bringing down their whole economy was slave labor.

In case you think that’s overstated take a look at the Confederate Constitution.  It specifically included a provision that forbade the states from forbidding slavery.  There’s one right the states rights folks would not allow the states.

Late in the war when the South was desperately searching around for manpower for the army one general wrote up a proposal that would offer slaves freedom for joining the army and fighting for the South.  He was told to get rid of that piece of paper and not to mention the idea to anyone.  His superiors understood that to even float that idea risked fracturing the South and permanently doom the Confederacy.  The idea would resurface weeks before the end of the war when it was far too late to do any good.

Confederate government papers show how central slavery was to their cause.  Military leaders knew not to touch the topic ever though they desperately needed the manpower.  Please don’t tell me they weren't fighting for slavery.

So what do the statues commemorate?

The vast majority of the statues were raised during the Jim Crow era.  Another spike occurred during the Civil Rights era.

The Jim Crow era is of course a period where Southern whites not only were taking back power but were also ruthlessly stamping out any vestige of black power that had been gained during Reconstruction.

The Civil Rights era again challenged white power as blacks often with the assistance of the Federal government attempted to claim some power over their lives and communities.

Many of the statues and monuments were raised as a way to gather white power and to start telling the myth of the Lost Cause.  They started telling the story that the Civil War was not about slavery.  It was a noble cause to save the southern way of life.  It of course ignores the fact that the way of life was dependent on slavery.

So what do I as a Northern White Male make of this?

When I toured the fields of Gettysburg and saw the statue of Robert E. Lee there I saw it in context.  A battle happened here.  This was the leader of one of the sides of the battle.  By all accounts a great general who got the most out of his army.  Gettysburg was not his finest moment, but no other general would have gotten as much out of that army as Lee did.

When I see a monument in a Chicago cemetery to the 4000 confederate soldiers that died in a nearby POW camp, I see it in context.  Near this spot 4000 men died hungry and in filth because that’s simply the way POWs tended to be treated then.  They signed up to be soldiers, but they didn't die like soldiers.

When I see a statue to Robert E. Lee in Charlottesville, I see it in context.  It was an attempt to rewrite history.  In effect to erase history and replace it with myth.  I see a symbol of the Jim Crow era and those who fought against civil rights.  If everybody saw it that way I’d say “leave it up!”.  But the truth is, those who marched to protest taking it down, don’t see it that way.  They see it as a monument to white power.  They see it as a monument to the myth that replaces the history.  They see it as a monument to their superiority.

What do we do with obvious symbols of hate?  We tear them down.

An Open Letter to My Friends and Acquaintances Who are Donald Supporters

Before I go into why I cannot vote for Donald there are some things about me you need to understand first.

1. I am male.  I am white.  I am protestant.  And yes, much of my background could be termed anglo-saxon.
2. I have in my life voted for Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, and Socialists.  I vote issues and values not party and ideology.  I vote for people with solutions.
3. I look carefully at who the candidate surrounds themselves with.  Especially when it comes to executive offices.  Who they bring on their staff tells you a lot about what they really value and how willing they are to bring dissenting opinions to the table.
4. I understand that every word a politician says is designed to create impressions in the listeners.  Fact is less important than impact to them.  I get it.  Even a politician who really has the public interest at heart has to stay in office to achieve that.  To stay in office they have to shade the truth.  So everything must be fact checked and critical thinking must be applied to every idea they bring to the table.
5. The rules of politics haven’t changed in 5000 years because human nature hasn’t changed in 5000 years.
6. One of my core values is that a person should be treated as a person.  Not a statistic.  Not a nuisance,  I get that there are bad people in the world, but as soon as you use the word “them”, as in “us vs. them”, you dehumanize them and give tacit permission to treat them as less than human.  Before you do that it better be because of what that person has done, and not be because of some perceived groupings they may belong to.
7. One of my core values is that the community is best served when each individual is given the best chance to maximize their talents and become the best person they can be.  When people are deprived of education opportunities the community is lessened.  When people are unduly burdened by the community the community is lessened.
8. I believe in the power of knowledge and ideas.
9. I believe that if you don’t control your emotions others will use them to control you.  I am not saying be emotionless.  I am saying they you need to be in control of your emotions and apply critical thinking to be certain they’re taking you to a place you really want to be.  We are social creatures.  Emotions are easily swayed through various techniques used by leaders and con men of all sorts.  If you are not in control of your own emotions, others will use them to control you.
10. I believe the U.S. Constitution works not because it’s wonderfully crafted system, but because every day bureaucrats, judges, legislators, etc. are forced by the expectations of the community and the openness of information flowing to that community to not stray too far from the norm.  That norm can of course changes over time as the tensions between the various groups change the way society sees the world.  If those tensions get unbalanced it’s possible for that norm to swing far and fast.  Depending on the nature of that swing it could lead to actions that break the system
11. I believe that ignorance breeds fear.  Fear breeds hate.  Hate breeds violence.  Violence begets more violence until only the will of the strong remains.

So now that I’ve told you a bit about what drives me, let me tell you why I could never vote for Donald.  Note that this is not about why I’ll vote for person x, y, or z instead.  This is squarely about why I cannot vote for Donald.  

In no specific order;

1. The man publicly belittles people.  From making fun of a reporter with a disability to questioning the fairness of a judge who ruled against him to the awful things he’s called various women to the infantile names he calls his opponents, he constantly proves his disdain for anyone that doesn’t tow the line.
2. The man actively threatens people.  During the primaries and that period leading up to the convention I lost count of the times I heard statements from him that followed the formula “Person X and I will get along fine.  Or there will be problems.”  Listen carefully and you’ll hear it all the time.  Again disdain for other people and their opinions.
3. The man has actively incited violence.  No, he’s not fully responsible for some of things his supporters have done, but when you actively court certain portions of the population, you can’t claim no responsibility when violence occurs after you make public comments like fondly remembering and pining for times when protesters would have been taken out on a stretcher.
4. The fact that he has some business failures in his past isn’t a problem.  Most successful entrepreneurs do.  But the truth is this “successful” business man used bankruptcy laws to leave employees, contractors, and creditors in the lurch while he walks away with millions.  It may not be illegal, but it’s not a style of business I like, and if he tries to use those same methods as President, we are the employees, contractors, and creditors that will be left in the lurch.
5. The truth of the matter is some of the businesses he’s associated with are outright scams.  
6. When asked for any info about how he’ll do the things he says he’ll do, he basically says “trust me.”  Trust in this case needs to be earned, and in light of all the other points here, he hasn't earned my trust.
7. Much of what he says he’ll do will actually be counterproductive.
8. It might be funny to say a reality star doesn’t care about reality, but he constantly cites “facts” that have been debunked and denies real data.  If challenged he may tap dance a bit.  He may issue a “what I meant” kind of statement.  Then he goes back to citing them.  He doesn’t care about what is real.  That’s a very bad thing in a president.  If you can’t deal with reality then you can fix it, etc.
9. If his ideas are challenged he doesn’t defend them, he tap dances, attempts to distract, and if that doesn’t work he attacks the challenger personally.  It may make for interesting TV and interesting campaigning, but it’ll be lousy for geopolitics.    It’ll also make for either a totally dysfunctional federal government or one that’s shoving his ideas down our throats and leaving us with the bills.
10. When he refuses to release his tax returns, when he refuses to tell you how he’ll accomplish things, when he refuses to tell you the source of the information he spouts, he’s telling you he doesn’t trust you with the information.  A person deserves some privacy, but when someone wants to become the leader of the greatest country in the free world, to be trusted with decisions that could mean life or death, we who will invest that person with that power deserve to know more.  There’s something Donald doesn’t want his supporters no know.  As one of my favorite quotes says, “Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master.”
11. When in front of a crowd he frequently becomes unfiltered.  His supporters seem to love the idea that he says what he thinks.  They may not like it when he alienates our allies and isolates the U.S. from the world economy and there are even less jobs.
12. It’s plain from the RNC that the theme for the campaign is going to be fear.  They’ll be focusing people on both outside and inside threats instead of the real problems.  They’ll stoke the fear because those emotions can be used to control people.  The answer to fear is knowledge.  But as stated above, Donald doesn’t care about the real data.  He cares about his goal.  He doesn’t care about the long term cost to others.  He doesn’t care that the long term cost of stoking the fear is likely to be violence.  He cares about his goal.
13. Ask him about where the ideas come from, he knows people.  Look at his history, both in the campaign and before, and it’s clear that he selects people who will tell him what he wants to hear.  Someone sitting in the oval office needs someone to argue the other side.  They need someone willing to butt heads to be certain we’re not all running off a cliff. Kennedy had someone playing that role through the whole Cuban Missile Crisis. It appears that Bush didn't have someone playing that role during the process that lead up to the invasion of Iraq. I don’t believe Donald will tolerate let alone welcome such a presence in his office.
14. He has no respect for any norms.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like to think I’m a think outside the box kind of guy, but I do understand that tradition holds a community together.    I understand that often the unspoken rules are more important than the written ones.  Donald doesn’t care about the unspoken rules.  He doesn’t care about the politeness that smooths over social interactions.  He doesn’t care about the behaviors that protect constitutional protections.  He only cares about his goal.
15. To be perfectly blunt, I only think he cares about the common man for the votes.  Someone who has grown up in wealth, was given his wealth, and shows the kind of attitudes I’ve discussed is very unlikely to understand the common man.  He will be pursuing his own goals. Not yours.
16. I appreciate the Donald supporters who admit that the appeal is a “strong man” leader type.  That is the image he tries to sell.  The big, tough, successful leader who is the only one who can save the people from the troubles that beset them.  It’s a classic scenario repeated many times in history.  Often it can bring stability and peace for a time by suppressing dissent.  But a government that only prizes the well being of a portion of the society can only keep the lid on so long.  The end result is almost always bad for the society in question.  I’ll take the rule of law over the rule of a strong man leader anytime.  I suspect most people who study history would agree.
17. When asked about being great Donald consistently points at his wealth as a sign of his greatness. I don't equate wealth with greatness. Being good at accumulating money or being born into is not a sign of greatness or divine favor. It isn't having or getting wealth that makes you great, it's what you do with the wealth you have.

I think Donald is a self aggrandizing narcissist who is attempting to achieve his goals by appealing to fear and hate.  His behavior is reminiscent of a bully or a petulant 4 year old. If you saw someone else's child acting this way you'd wonder what was wrong with the parents. If your own child acted this way you'd hopefully take action.

Regardless of what I think his goals are, if he becomes president he will have to take actions to appease the elements he has been courting.  If he does it’ll be very bad for women and minorities.  If he does it’ll be bad for the economy.  If he does it may well cause more violence as various minority groups fight back.  Pretty much a self fulfilling prophecy.  If he doesn’t appease the groups he’s been courting, they will feel betrayed and will likely act out violently.  When you sow fear and preach hate, you can’t be surprised when violence results.

History is quite clear on what happens when someone grabs power through fear and hate.

I’ve seen lots of bad presidential candidates in my life.  In my life I’ve voted for the losing candidate more often than the winner.  I know the system is actually set up to be inefficient to protect people from the majority.  But that only works when everyone plays reasonably close to the unspoken rules.

By using the campaigning techniques he’s using, Donald is the first candidate that I think has the potential to break the system.  I think the pieces are in place to potentially change this country in ways that it will never recover from.

That is why I will not and cannot vote for Donald.  You are allowed to disagree, but do not deny that the historical precedents are pertinent.  You also need to understand that every time you make an excuse for something he said that I’m thinking, “Are you lying to me, or are you lying to yourself?”

The Decision to Unfriend

Lately I’ve seen a number of posts on Facebook something like this:

If you’re wondering why I unfriended you, look at your posts.

If you advocated hate that might be why.

If you called for death to all that might be why.

If you support that might be why.

 If you….

We’ve all seen them, and I get it.  You jump on Facebook to interact with friends and families and you’re confronted with these posts that remind you that not only do some people think very differently than you, but some of them are filled with and motivated by hate.  Being quite about it is like allowing yourself to be abused, but speaking up is a lot like banging your head repeatedly on a brick wall.

Why put up with that kind of aggravation?

Why confront these people?

If you don’t, who will?  If you won’t engage with these people you will leave them only hearing the voices that got them where they currently are.  If you don’t present to them a different way, they’ll never see it themselves.

If you do decide to engage with these people be smart about it.  If you aren’t smart about it, it will likely devolve into a bunch of yelling.  That will be frustrating for you and possibly a good thing for them.  They may be looking for a pulpit.

Those who know me know that I’m willing to challenge ideas people present online.   Those who know me really well probably have noted there are plenty of opportunities go by.

Here’s my advice on when and how to respond.

1)      Be smart about who you engage.

If the original post is not by someone on your friend list, don’t chime in.  Just because a friend of a friend was invited to the conversation and responded doesn’t mean you’re invited.  Uninvited guests are rarely welcome.

If it’s someone on your friend list then in theory they’re a friend or acquaintance and you know enough to decide if engaging them is worth the effort.

2)      Know what you hope to get out of the discussion.

I go into every discussion with the intent to make the person logically defend what they have asserted.  If they can put together a reasoned argument in support of their view I can live with that without having to agree with them.  I’ve probably also learned something.

If your goal is to make the person concede to your point of view, that’s an argument, not a discussion.  In this case nothing in post will be of use to you.

3)      Be clear about your own values and feelings before you start.  Speed is not important.  Clarity is.

If you can’t explain your ideas and your objections to their ideas clearly to yourself then you’ll never be able to make them understand.    Know what you think before you start typing and certainly before hitting post.

Know the difference between fact, feeling, and opinion. 

Facts should be supportable by documentation

Feelings are driven by values and emotions.  Everyone’s feelings are equally valid, but no one’s feelings are the reason why something should be done or not done.

Opinion should be supportable by logic.  Rational, intelligent people can have different opinions when presented with the same facts.  That’s normal.  It’s ok to have differing opinions, but you better be able to support yours if you challenge others.

4)      Stay focused on ideas, values, and logic.

Do not get involved with name calling.  Ignore it when it’s thrown at you and read everything you type before you post to make certain you’ve avoided language that they’ll take as a person attack.

Don’t challenge their feelings.  They feel how they feel just like you feel how you feel.

To challenge facts you need to have facts to cite.  If you want to challenge the source of their facts you better be able to defend the source of yours.

To challenge logic you better be familiar with critical thinking and common fallacies in arguments.

There is of course a two edge sword here.  The best way to develop these skills is to have these kinds of discussions.  You might want to find a friendlier environment full of people who love to discuss things to practice before taking on people in an open forum like FaceBook.

5)      Stay on topic and don’t allow them to change the topic.

If you’re challenging someone’s assertion that red is a shade of green don’t start discussing how red is an element of purple.

After carefully describing the color wheel and how colors work and blend, you shouldn’t be surprised when they say “not all wheels are round” instead of responding to your statements.  A common reaction when confronted with the possibility of being wrong is to attempt to change the field of battle.  You are allowed at that moment to ignore the statement and keep discussing red and green.

6)      Remember the audience.

Remember that the person you’re having the discussion with is not the only person listening.  Even if you aren’t getting through to the original poster you may be educating other people on the topic.  If you can keep calm and cool and on topic you’ll likely have a much bigger impact on the quiet observers.

7)      Remember you might be wrong or mistaken.

Don’t forget to listen.  You may find they have a point.  You may find that they use words a little differently than you do , and you’re not as different as you originally thought.

Be prepared to say, “Oh, I get what you’re saying.  You’re right.”  I can’t count how many times I’ve watched people argue who actually agree with each other.  They just couldn’t agree on language.

8)      Walking away is always an option

At some point the discussion may start going around in circles rehashing the same ideas over and over again.  Hopefully you’ve made some effort to move it forward, but there will be a point where you’ll decide there’s nothing more to gain for either party.  At that point it’s perfectly OK to declare that the discussion is running in circles and if no one has anything new to bring to the conversation that it’s time to end it.  Don’t say their too stupid to hear you.  Just simply move on.

It has been said that “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Hopefully the above ideas will encourage you to confront bad thinking and ideas when you see them and help you do it effectively.

Putting Christ in Christmas, the Red Cup Controversay, and Why It Doesn't Matter

Looking back at my very sporadic blog postings I see the holidays seem to be a dominate theme.

Thanksgiving Thoughts….

“Holiday” Thoughts

Which Christmas do you Celebrate?

Which Christmas to you Celebrate? Revisited

I find myself suddenly pulled back to this topic as I see the first “Put Christ back in Christmas” posts and of course all the fuss about Starbuck’s red cups and the “War on Christmas”.  You can read my past posts to get a feel for my general feelings on this topic and how they have changed over time.

As a Christian I find myself terribly conflicted by my reactions when these statements and controversies flare up.  I’m conflicted because I want to yell back at those folks.  I want to tell them to get over themselves.  I want to tell them that the Christmas they think they’re defending has precious little to do with Christ.  I want to tell them that aggressively insisting people celebrate the holidays in a way that that doesn’t impact their expectations isn’t terribly Christian.

Of course reacting like that is being guilty of the thing I’m complaining about.

It also isn’t very Christian per my understanding of Christianity.  It certainly isn’t very loving and is only being of service in a very aggressive interpretation of that term.

So I’ll take a deep breath and try to find a better response.

What is Christmas?

In this case I’m not interested in talking about the secular holiday or the mercantile holiday.  I am talking about the religious celebration.

I will start with the negative.

Christmas is not:

1.       Presents under the tree

2.       Decorated trees, other borrowed pagan symbols, or any other decoration

3.       Family gatherings

4.       Christmas Carols and other holiday music.

5.       TV Christmas specials

6.       Christmas pageants

7.       Christmas cards and letters

8.       A chance to celebrate backing the right horse and winning a get out of hell free card.

I could go on, but I think the point is made.  There are many things that delight us about the holiday.  There are many things that put is in a joyous mood.   I’m not saying they aren’t important, but they have nothing to do with the religious holiday.

All too often those are things that are really bothering people when they talk about the war on Christmas.  

So what is at the core of this holiday?  What do we need to keep our eye on to avoid getting distracted when others go about this holiday in different fashion?

For me what’s central to Christmas is very simple.

Christmas is a promise.  Not just a promise that something very special happened 2000 years ago.  It’s a promise that something very special is still going on today.

Yes, there’s music that’s particularly meaningful to me.  Yes, there’s one particular Christmas show I watch every year.  Yes, I’ll do everything I can to spend time with my family and friends.  And yes, there will be some negative impact on my mood if those things don’t happen.

But none of that changes the promise.

May the promise be in your heart through the whole season, and may its presence heighten your joys and carry you through the lows.

The Race
A Parable of Modern Business (and Government)

Once upon a time there was a Red rowing team.

This Red team agreed to hold an annual rowing race with a Green team. Each team would contain 8 men.

Both teams worked really hard to get in the best shape.

On the day of the first race, both teams were ready to win. 

The Green team won by 1 mile.

The Red team was crushed in their defeat, but they were determined to win the race next year. So they established a panel of auditors to observe the situation and ascertain if there were any differences between the teams.

After several weeks of detailed intelligence gathering, the auditors could find only one difference; the Green team had 7 rowers and 1 captain...

… and the Red team had 7 captains and 1 rower!

Un-perplexed by the raw data, upper management showed unexpected wisdom: they hired a consulting company to analyze the data and suggest a solution that would enable the Red team to win next year.

After several months the consultants came to  the conclusion that the ratio of captains to rowers was the problem in the Red team.

Based on this analysis a solution was proposed: the structure of the Red team has to be changed!

Like sharks getting the scent of reorganization blood, upper management wasted no time in restructuring the Red team into 4 Captains, led by 2 Managers, reporting to 1 Senior Director with a dotted line to the rower. Besides that, in a blaze of unrestricted inspiration, they suggested they might be inclined to improve the rower’s working environment by a non-monetary reward and recognition scheme if there was improved performance by the rower.

The next year.....

The Green team won by 2 miles.

The Red team upper management immediately fired the rower  based on his unsatisfactory performance.

A bonus was paid to the Captains, Directors, and Managers for the strong leadership and motivation they showed during the preparation phase and as an incentive for them to find a better rower for the next race.

The consulting company prepared a new analysis of the restructuring activity, which showed that the strategy was good, the motivation was great, the restructuring was executed correctly, but the tool used (which was not included in the original data) was sub-standard and had to be improved.


Currently the Red team management is having a new boat designed.


To demonstrate fiscal and HR dexterity for stockholders they also outsourced the rowing to India.

Which Christmas do You Celebrate? Revisited

As I saw the first few “put the Christ back in Christmas” and “It’s Merry Christmas not Happy Holidays” posts this year I found myself reacting to them differently than I have in past years. Instead of being in mild agreement I found myself feeling a bit offended.

After thinking on it a bit I realized the start of this change was present in my entry from last year, Which Christmas do You Celebrate? The short version on that one is that I’m quite comfortable with the idea that there are multiple celebrations, both secular and religious, going on this time of year. In fact, I’m likely to be involved with celebration at multiple levels both religious and secular.

Before I expand on that a bit take a minute or two and jot down all the things you can think of that you associate with Christmas. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Feel free to take another minute. I’ll go get something to drink.

OK, ready?

Now look at your list. First, cross off everything that mentioned food or drink. Odds are very low that any of that has anything to do with Christ.

Got music on that list? OK, there are definitely some religious options in there. But if it’s “Silver Bells” or “Carol of the Bells” or “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” or…. Well you get the point. I’ll leave it to you whether or not to cross those items off. Be honest with yourself. You can’t cheat me on this one.

Christmas trees, wreaths, garlands, mistletoe, and holly. Those items are definitely religious, but not Christian. It’s hard to get more pagan than these. Cross them off.

Presents? Some of you will try to equate that with the gifts of the wise men. I’ll tell you that’s an excuse. Cross it off.

Spending time with friends and family? That’s one of the coolest things about the holidays. It’s also secular. One doesn’t need to be Christian or religious in any way to enjoy that.

All those Christmas specials, cross them off. OK, I’ll give you half credit for the Charlie Brown Christmas special. It actually recites pertinent gospel passages.

What’s left on your list? I can’t cover every possibility. How many of them have to do with religion? Odds are your list has been pretty pared down at this point assuming anything is left at all. This returns us to the original question from last year….

Which Christmas do you celebrate?

For many that answer is a purely secular one. For the rest of us the secular plays a huge role in what we celebrate.

You know what? There’s nothing wrong with that as long as we don’t pretend differently.

So that covers part of my response to the “put the Christ back in Christmas” posts. I’m simply quite comfortable with allowing people to keep the season in their own way. How they celebrate has no impact on the substance or quality of my celebration.

The other part of my emotional responses to those posts probably happens because the first one I saw this year started with something like “if you know me you won’t be offended by this”. The clear implication is that one shouldn’t be offended by and that in fact you’d be in the wrong if you were offended.

Trying to shape the conversation in such a way is a guaranteed way to get my back up. It’s simply not an honest way to discuss things.

It also screams, “Believe and act the way I do!” It gets dangerously close to wandering into the problem that I'm Christian unless you're gay gets in to.

I simply don’t get the idea of demanding that someone think, act, and feel the way I do. Life would be so boring if everyone thought and acted the way I do. No challenges to what I think and believe would be end of the development of what I think and believe. Heaven knows we’d all be better off if everyone just did what I thought was right, but even I’m not right 100% of the time. (Please understand the sarcasm inherent to that last comment.)

It’s really not hard to imagine how wearing it would be for religious non-Christians to hear “Merry Christmas” all the time. When you’re a minority you have to deal with such things, but the automatic assumption that you’re something that you’re not takes something away from you. It’s a constant reminder that to some degree you don’t belong.

My secular side really doesn’t like that idea. I’m a firm believer in the freedom of religion and freedom of thought. Telling someone they don’t belong as part of this community because they think or believe different rubs against the grain for me. It’s un-American to my point of view.

It’s not that different for my religious side. I’m deeply respectful of people of faith regardless of their sect, creed, etc. Truly religious Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc. find much to agree on. It’s those too hung up on dogma that get into religious fights.

To be honest, I’ve always been suspicious of those who try too hard to convert me to their way of thinking. I’ve had wonderful discussions on many hot button topics with people who are comfortable and secure in their point of view. Occasionally in those discussions I’ve learned something that either changes or refines my point of view. Then there are those “conversations” that quickly feel like a competition. The other guy is trying to convert me. It always feels like the only way they can prove their point to themselves is by converting me. They talk. They don’t listen. Some of those “Put the Christ back in Christmas” messages read that way.

In the end, it’s a fine line. “Putting Christ back into Christmas” is a nice reminder for those of who use the season to try to grow religiously. For those who are lost it can be pointer to a better way. If you’re a Jew or a Muslim it’s a slap in the face. Saying “It’s Merry Christmas not Happy Holidays” is a demand to be like me. It’s a declaration that being different is wrong. It’s a declaration that I don’t need to be conscious of the differences amongst us. “Merry Christmas” should not be offensive to anyone especially with the heavy secular use of the phrase now, but neither should “Happy Holidays.”

If you’re addressing me, either one will do. I'll appreciate the wishes for my wellbeing. Happy Hanukah will do as well or even a simple “Have a nice day.” I find it hard to be offended by wishes for my wellness. I hope others can be as tolerant when I don’t find the exact right words.

Whether or not you’ve made it this far here's my wish for you.

May you find meaning in this season of introspection and renewal. May you find happiness amongst those with whom you spend the season. May you find peace.

Proud to be an American?

This is one of those holidays we're I'll start hearing “I’m proud to be an American” voiced by many.

Perhaps it's my inner curmudgeon but…..

I'm not proud to be an American.

I was born and raised in America. I have benefited from many of the opportunities and resources available here. While things certainly aren't perfect, they're far better than many parts of the world.

So why don't I say that I'm proud to be an American?

There are a few that have sweated, toiled, bled, and even laid their lives on the line to build and protect this country.

I am not one of them.

I have benefited greatly by their efforts and sacrifices but not paid the price myself.

Oh, I've whined and complained about various problems and inequities, but like most I've done very little about them.

When all is said and done, what have I done to lay claim to the word “proud” in relation to America?

Like so many people, I am blessed to be an American.

I will not dishonor the few and claim that I am proud to be an American.

I cannot rejoice.....

I cannot rejoice in the death of one man. Somewhere, someone mourns the loss of a son, a brother, a father. Killing makes all of us smaller. Death exacts a toll from all of us.

But I do rejoice in the end of a symbol. A symbol that fed on death and hate for it's own ends. A symbol that fed death and hate to others to make them useful tools. A symbol that had no toleration for anything different. A symbol that said that if you don't agree with me then you are less than nothing. If you don't agree, then you should die.

The death of one man won't end the lunacy. The end of the symbol, may slow it down.

Where hate is sown, death will be reaped. A whole lot of hate has been sown. All over the world by all kinds of people.

The lunacy isn't over yet.